Marriage.
The reasons people get married are almost as varied as there are people doing it. Among the reasons most common are 'true love; desire to raise a family; escape from a bad situation; it was arranged; need somebody to look after; sex'. By no means an exhaustive list though.
The ages people get married at vary greatly as well, some times because they may not have met the right person before getting 'older', most often in western cultures around the mid to late twenties according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics and sometimes very young, as in the teenage years.
The marriages in the teenage years are the focus of this blog post. In particular, the marriage of Jehovah's Witness Youth. Those between 16 and 22. You may ask, why is the blog author interested in this subject. Because he was himself married at 22 to an 18 year old bride, because he too has teenagers being raised as witnesses who are contemplating marriage. Another reason of concern is not only the high failure rate of such youthful unions but also the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society's tacit and implicated support of it.
I can provide you several reasons NOT to get married so young. At such a young age you are not equiped emotionally to deal with the realities of married life. You will not find it easy to provide for a wife on a junior wage. You stop dead most chances of furthering education. The person you want at 17 will be different to the one you will want at 25. If you wait for each other till you are 25, most likely you will not marry each other. Finaly, the real reason you are wanting to marry so young is sex. Sorry if you dont like it but it is very true. These thing said, you likely don't agree...
First up, let me give it to you straight. No beating around the bush... You are 18, she is 17. You both 'love each other'. You are just blown away by each other, It's really fantastic! Your tennage hormones and desires are at their peak. You find it hard to keep your hands off each other in private. That is, when you have no chaperone around.
Consider this passage from the Watchtower Nov 1 1981;
16 Especially when a couple is dating and preparing for marriage do they need to watch their circumstances. Being alone in an automobile, apartment (a person perhaps living away from home by himself), or in a secluded spot outdoors may induce couples to become overly intimate. One 17-year-old said frankly: “Anyone can say, ‘we know when to stop.’ True, a person may know when, but how many can do it? It is better to avoid the situation. Have others there.” Yes, a chaperone can give you the extra strength to dominate completely over the sexual desires in your bodies when you are together. Also, “set limits” as to how far your expressions of endearment will go. Stick to these.
So you and your girlfriend or boyfriend are trying as hard as you can to not disobey Jehovah. I am going to assume that you are infact doing pretty good at following the rules, even down to a regular chaperone. But how long can you deal with the pressure? The desire for sex will build up no matter what you do. But you have no allowable way to deal with it save for having a third party around all the time to act as a deterent. You are hardly likely to get up to any forbidden behavior with a tag along next to you. So what are your options? One is to not see each other, in fact, to not 'date' anybody for quite sometime, or two, get married as soon as practical and no longer 'need' to chaperone to police you.
I believe i know what you will do. Having tasted the love bug, you will opt for a wedding. Why? Because the thought of not being with your beloved is unthinkable. Because the thought of sinning against God is unthinkable? I doubt it. I have known of many teen couples engaging in sexual acts to believe that displeasing God matters to them. What does matter to them though is getting caught. That is the true motivation for abstaining. Any Jehovah's Witness youth whether baptised or not that gets 'found out' by the elders is going to be publicly embarressed and punished.
Will the elders try to stop you getting married at such young ages? In a nutshell, NO.
Even though there is ample evidence that teenage/youth marriages are inherently fraught with dangers the possible warnings will not be strong. Yes, some may 'suggest' waiting another year or so but on the whole they will be right behind you. An often quoted bible passage is this in 1 Cor 7:9
But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be inflamed [with passion].
In fact, the Watchtower Society has no problem with teens getting married, despite any of the reasons not to. Remember that quote above from the 1981 Watchtower? Read it again...when a couple is dating and preparing for marriage ...... One 17-year-old said ...
The referencing of a 17 year old in a paragraph about preparing for marriage is no accident. The Watchtower Society endorses teenage weddings. And i would surmise that you, as a teenager probably think that is great!
The real reason though for your desire to marry so young is sex, like i said before. If you are honest with yourself you will realize it too. Lets play hyperthethical for a moment. Forget all the 'rules' and jehovah wont approve, the i will ruin my relationship with God things as well for a moment too.
Lets say, you are in love, he or she is 'the one' and it IS ok with your religion to move in together, have a sex life etc without getting married at 17 or 18. Would you? Those i have asked have been honest eonough to admit they would not marry till later. Let me tell you, the 'worldly' people so often spoke about as being immoral and selfish are not putting off marriage till later just so they can be 'ungodly'. They realise that getting married at 17 is just plain foolishness and have no need to do so.
There is also a deeper, subliminal reason for the Watchtower Society to approve of teenage marriage. Membership. With so many leaving the organization and very few comming in from door to door work there is a need to 'hang on' to those already associating. And by extension, that is you. You have come along with your parent/s for a good many years likely. The teen years are when a good many witness youths begin to see through a lot of the teachings and leave.
Here is a scenario that often unfolds: Boy meets girl. Both are not 'yet' baptised but the girl does want a nice kingdom hall wedding, complete with her father walking her down the aisle. Now, although non baptized couples can get married in the kingdom hall it is usualy frowned upon by the elders and the congregation, and a wedding of a baptised person to a non baptised publisher will not get the kingdom hall use at all. So, what happens? The couple get baptised sometime in say, the year leading up to the wedding. Soon enough so as to not have the appearance of baptism for the wrong reasons but in time for the wedding too. And there you have it; instant pair of new members. If the approach from the Society was to only marry 'mature' ones you would see the Watchtower Society hemorrhage teenagers. But by sactioning what is essentialy a foolhardy action they secure future membership. That couple is now bound by all and any decrees made by the Governing Body and so will be any children born to the union.
And this is all why i do not think teenagers or young people should be marrying at all. It is social irresponsability. To saddle teenagers with the heavy responsability that comes with marriage, the hard work, the money challenges and raising children are all things that they are ill prepared for.
Sadly, the Jehovah's Witness philosophy on this is equaly as irresponsable. The wedding talk is largely about 'Jehovah'. The '3 fold cord'. You know, him, her and jehovah God. The attitude to any marriage problem is 'Jehovah'. Problems? Just do what the bible/Watchtower and the family book say. The invoking of an invisible god that does not communicate beyond writtings 2000 years old interpreted by men running a publishing company hardly helps a couple dealing with marriage troubles.
I urge you youthful ones to think seriously if you are contemplating a wedding. I am not endorsing you to run around and have sex all over the place without regard for consequences. I am talking to you about pursuing the love you have for another without the fetters of control placed upon you by others. You can build a good, honest and clean life together without such an early marriage. You can live together and build a life, marrying when you are mature enough or committed enough to understand it.
For those of you who do not approve of this advice, that is fine. I understand you might be one of the few genuine teenagers that wants to bring glory to God and get married. These are your mistakes to make, i wish you all the best. You will need it.
But ask yourself this; Seeing that Armageddon is so very very close, why not wait? after all, that was the very advice given by the Watchtower Society's second president in 1941. Best to wait until after so that you can marry in a paradise free of all the stresses that would affect your marriage if you did it now. If you cannot wait till the new system and be chaste, then i put it too you that your real reasons again come down to sex.
