What do you do if you don't want to be a JW? It can be just as important to ask and answer ''what not to do'' as well. The biggest single problem is that you probably feel that you cannot tell your parents. You should be able to, they will want you to if they only knew. But it is a very sad and tragic fact that most of the time, you can't do this. Not yet, not without knowing what may happen, how they may react and how to handle what may go down. Before you tell them, you need to get informed. You will tell them, but not till it's time. It is really stupid that you can't just walk away from your parents religion without feeling sneaky, guilty and wicked. But that is the way the religion has it set up.
It sounds silly to say, that in trying to free yourself from a religion full of rules, that you might need to follow some 'rules', but trust me, it is important. I am going to give you a list of do's and dont's and then some explanation as to why after, ok?
1. Do not tell anyone, not even your best friend. Even worldly friends can blab to another JW at your school, and you know what happens next. Choose who you confide in carefully.
2. Do not get baptised. Full stop. Put it off, avoid the subject, make excuses, but do not get baptised.
3. Keep a low profile. Any 'rebeliousness' will land you in hot water. Parents will want to home school you, change your schools even if they think 'worldly' kids are influencing the way you dress for example.
4. Fake it. Do as little JW stuff as you can, zone out at meetings. Use the time to plan the exit.
5. Be patient. Depending on your age you may be in for a wait. If you have nowhere to go, staying at home till you can legally move out may be the only option. If you do have relatives that can give you a home at least you have somewhere to go if it all goes real bad. Do not get kicked out and live on the streets. If it is absolutely vital to get out of the home, then you may need to find a youth shelter.
6. Use the internet if you can. There are a lot of very good support groups for people who want to or have left the JWs. Hit google and you will see what i mean.
What you need to know before you tell your parent/s that you no longer want to go to meetings etc is to know what they will probably say. They will likely say what the Watchtower Society has told them to say. Having been a Jehovah's witness for 28 years i know what i would do and say if it were my child and i was still a JW!
Basically it can go about 4 different ways...(And if i were still a JW...tough love and the inqusition)
A) Tough Love. What do you mean you don't want to go to the meetings? As long as you live under my roof you will do what we say. You will be obediant to your parents. We know what's best for you...now whats going on? Are you hanging out with worldly kids at school? Bad associations are spoiling your useful habits you lady! We may have to look at home schooling for you if you dont start to work towards being an unbaptised publisher.
B) Emotional blackmail. Why honey? Don't you want to live in the paradise? Think how much your grandma will miss you when she comes back to find you are not there...how will we tell her that you didn't love Jehovah? You do love Jehovah don't you?...
C) The best That's ok son. We have raised you to be a resonsbale person and given you all the tools you need to be a good citizen. But keep in mind the christian principles we have taught you...
D)The inquistion. Why? What are your reasons? Have you been listening to those nasty apostates? They tell so many lies you know. Tell us what bothers you so much that you would throw your lot in with Satans crowd? Who have you been listening to? We will have to get rid of the internet.
If your parent/s use tough love you may need to fake it more than you want. But living at home with some crazy rules and restrictions is better than being on the street. Your parents love you, thats not in question (hopefully) but are simply not able to see past the rules of the Watchtower and the Governing body' telling them how to think and act. You will need to be very strong to fake it and resist pressure to get baptized along the way. DO NOT make the mistake of thinking that baptism will get them 'off your back', it will for a while but will later destroy your relationship with them. Stay strong, stay away from self harm, thoughts of suicide and drugs.
The emotional blackmail can be tough too, again if you have nowhere to go, you might need to play along with this awful game they are playing.
The inqusition. This is why you need to say nothing until you know why you don't want to be a JW. Wanting to be 'normal' will not cut it. Just being rebelious will not work. Having some vague idea that you don't think the religion is true will get shot down in flames. Saying things you have heard or read like ''They said armageddon will come in 1975'' or ''they tell lies'' and ''i don't believe the end is close'' will all be swiftly demolished if you do not have a real real good grasp on just what troubles you. You will probably be handed to some poineer or elder for a bible study. You will be watched closely.
The truth is, nothing you say will convince them you are right. Nothing will convince them to let you stop. True, some JW parents do allow it. But the only way to find out is to tell them. And before that, you need to do your home work! You do need to learn the why's and the proofs that they are not the true religion to the level you feel you can defend it or at least stay true to what you believe.
I suspect that if you just blurt it out one day '' I don't want to go anymore and i dont think its the 'truth' either'' that you will be in a world of hurt. If the situation gets to much to handle, please don't just run a way unless abuse is happening. There are a lot of organizations that are focused on helping teenagers and young adults navigate the perils of life, turn to them, find a counselor to talk to, perhaps your school has counselors available too.
Perhaps you do think it is the truth, and just want to be 'normal' Thats fine, just be prepared for it to be a struggle. JW parents are not ok with their teenagers behaving or dressing in ways they do not approve. In truth, few parents in any time were! But JW parents even less. At the end of the day, they really do want you to be happy, it's just that they think the only way to be happy is to be like them.
One more thing...Should you leave you must complete the journey. Many leave, still believing that the WT is right, that armageddon is coming, that they themselves are week and evil. Many leave believing that the problem is themselves rather than the JWs. IF you do not investigate the real truth about the 'truth' you are a prime target to go back later when for example you have kids of your own and you want to give them the best life...errr everlasting life in paradise...get it? The WT is not true, the Jehovah's Witnesses are not God's people. You do not need them to tell you how to live.
Leaving the JWs does not mean you have gone to the 'other side', it does not mean you have to give up on God or Jesus, it does not mean you have to be an atheist and believe in evolution. leaving the JWs means YOU get to chart you life course and your belief system, not them.
All the best, stay strong.
father of JW Kids.
